I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
