you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
