Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
