I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
