I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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