I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
