Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
