I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
