how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
