I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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