and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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