if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
