Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
