I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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