dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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