I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
