I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
