so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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