Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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