good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
