There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
