So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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