so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
