I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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