My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
