She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
