All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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