he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
