Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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