ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
