Joe is yelling at the trees again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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