she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
