Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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