This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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