cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
