Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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