And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
