Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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