I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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