you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
