he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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