Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
