:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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