im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
