On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
