You don't have asthma, your pregnant
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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