1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
