I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
