Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
