That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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