the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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