Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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